Accuracy from the DemocraticUnderground

*gag* *spit* *retch*

I made a brief incursion to the DemocraticUndergound this evening as part of my unending research on the issues. No really, it's OK; I owe both of you at least that much.

I limit my time veiwing the DU because I end up waking the baby when I start screaming and breaking things.
However, I did stumbly upon this little gem about the upcoming debates; it's actually quite close to being "spot on", although it was intended as a "wailing" piece about how "unfairly" the MSM will treat j f'n kerry in their coverage of the debates.

To save you the shame of actually having to visit the DU, here's the text of the post:

Get ready: How the media will spin Kerry
and Chimp on thedebate

Don't be surprised! Here's how the media
will cover Kerry's and Chimp's debate performance:

Kerry:If he's serious, they'll say he's
glum, gloomy, pessimistic, and uninspiring.
If he's jovial, they'll say he's
phony and trying too hard.

Chimp:If he's serious, he's,
presidential, the war-time commander in chief.
If he's jovial, everybody
wants to have a beer with him.

Kerry:If he's forceful, they'll say he's
too aggressive, mean, negative, desperate.
If he's calm, they'll say he's
weak, unsteady, dull, lacks energy.

Chimp:If he's forceful, he's strong,
resolute, unwavering.
If he's calm, he's prepared, on-message, disciplined,
reserved.

Kerry:If he's specific, they'll say he's
wonkish, presenting "laundry lists," being overly-intellectual, show-offy, and
nobody likes the smart kid.
If he's not specific, they'll say he's vague,
criticizing but not offering solutions, not addressing the issues, and nobody
knows who he is.

Chimp:If he's specific, he "lays out his
plan" and "makes his case."
If he's not specific, he's spanning the issues,
giving a global presentation, painting a broad outline of his plans.

Kerry:If he jokes, they'll say he lacks
gravitas, trivializes important issues, doesn't understand troops are in harm's
way, nation's at war, disrespects the president, etc.
If he doesn't joke,
they'll say he needs to lighten up, he's too stoney, he's wooden.

Chimp:If he jokes, he's a man of the
people, a regular guy, people relate to him.
If he doesn't joke, he truly
cares about the American people and his sincerity resonates with voters in this
difficult time.

Plus, if he finds his podium and doesn't
trip on his way to it, he's surpassed all expectations. (Extra points for
correct pronunciation of "Abu Ghraib" or "nuclear.")

Don't these jackasses realize that the MSM is On.Their.Side.?

*****Update***** The comment section for this post is priceless (as in "without value")
Note to self: this kind of material deserves a good fisking, not just a copy-n-paste job. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go take a long hot shower. I feel dirty