Tuesday 21OCT08

two weeks to go..... so anyway, via my brother-in-blog Ragin' Dave, I've stumbled upon the speech McCain should be whipping like a rented mule, but I'm not holding my breath. I wish I'd written this. Observe: My friends, I have thought long and hard about the tax issue, because it's one which affects a vast number of Americans—not all Americans, of course, because under current IRS rules about one fifth of American citizens pay no taxes at all. So I've decided to change my tax policy, and will work tirelessly as President to make this a reality. My opponent keeps talking about tax "breaks", and tax "exemptions" and so on, and to be frank, he makes the whole issue even more complicated than it already is. So I'm going to make things simple. Under my Presidency, the United States will become the most fairly-taxed nation on Earth. Americans will pay federal taxes at three rates: adjusted gross incomes at or under $35,000 will pay 5%, incomes of $35,000 - $75,000 will pay 10%, and incomes greater than $75,000 will pay 15% tax. That's it. No exemptions, no withholdings, no "credits" and no deductions except for the per-dependent allowance of $5,000. Corporations will pay a flat 10% tax rate on net profits, but with no deductions allowed, whatsoever. There have been times when a multibillion-dollar corporation ends up paying no taxes at all because of the hundreds of deductions and tax loopholes. My friends, those days are over. You will be able to fill out your tax returns on a postcard. So, in fact, will most corporations, and certainly, small businesses, the lifeblood of our economy, will be able to operate more freely and with no fear of tax audits. Yes, some people are going to suffer a little bit in the short term. Let me tell you who they are. People earning less than $35,000 per annum who have never paid taxes before will now have to pay taxes. I know that some will scream that this is unfair, but let me offer two rebuttals. It's a common budget truism that you can always take 5% off anything, without suffering too much. This is just as true for individuals as it is for corporations. Secondly, and most importantly, it is horribly unfair to the vast majority of Americans that people who pay no taxes still get to vote on tax issues—in other words, people who pay no taxes can vote to raise the taxes of others. That inequity, my friends, will end under my presidency. Homeowners who have taken the various real-estate deductions to lower their final tax rate may suffer a little. A homeowner who has a monthly net salary of $1,200 after making his mortgage payment of $750 may end up with a net salary of $1,100 under the simplified tax code. On the other hand, he won't have to pay a tax preparer, nor waste time preparing his own tax return. But most of all, he need never worry that the IRS will come after him some time in the future for underpayment of taxes or tax evasion. Which to my mind is the greatest advantage of the simpler tax code that I propose. Americans believe that when it comes to money matters, the simplest and most efficient way is usually the best. And the success of our nation has proved this, over and over again, in the more than two hundred years of our history. We Americans like simplicity, because it frees us up to be more productive—which means, in the end, that we make more money. And to live as people who are not afraid of the dreaded IRS "knock at the door": who can honestly say that this would not be a good thing? But let me go back to other people who may be adversely affected by the new tax system. Lobbyists who are always after a tax loophole for their corporate clients will have less work. Tax lawyers and accountants will have less work. The IRS will have less work—indeed, under my plan, I intend to reduce the size of the IRS department by 50%. And finally, Congress will have less work, because they will not be writing ever-more laws which make our already-dense tax code still more indecipherable to the average American. Most of all, we will return to a simpler time: when all people contributed to the general welfare, and no one could be said to be a "free-loader" or a "leech on society". The vast majority of people, from all income groups, will get to keep more of their money, to invest, to save, or to spend as they see fit. Because, my friends, that is the essence of America: the belief that the citizens, and not the government, know best how to manage their own money. I believe that, and, I think, so do most hard-working Americans. The people who do not believe that are people like my opponent, who thinks that "I'm from the government, and I'm here to help" is not satire, but something worth imposing on us. My plan is the essence of fairness: we all pay, according to our ability. Finally, let me close by saying this. Some people will say that government will not be able to function by taking from you, on average, only one out of every seven dollars you earn. To those people, I say: "Then let government learn how to make do with less, just as millions of Americans have to do each and every day." If our bloated, inefficient and expensive government has to learn how to cut fat, become more efficient and spend less, then so be it. At the end of the day, we will all be better off, and our economy will grow itself out of our current difficulties, without any assistance from government and, under the current bad system, your tax dollars. Thank you, and good night. Bonus Points for the liberal (ahem) usage of the "my friends" phrase. The author is Kim du Toit, of "The Other Side of Kim" fame. I echo Dave's statement: if Mr. du Toit asks me to delete this post, I will. Do not bother clicking the The Other Side of Kim linkage if you're on a "corporate" network, Mr. du Toit often focuses on 2nd Amendment issues and all that "gun talk" frightens the corporate net-nannies. Wankers. doG, Kim: we're sure going to miss you when you go. "....the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed" What part of this do you not understand, Senator Obama? more soon