A twisted theory

Please hold, still checking.....

Where was I? Right. John Bolton.

As a disclaimer up front I must tell you the following:

• I had never heard of John Bolton (just like 91% of the Senate) prior to his nomination to be our ambassador to the United Nations.
• I am not part of the crowd that just rubber stamps anything GWB puts forth; au contraire, I view all politicians with the same suspicious eye. Granted, I agree with this Administration more than the proceeding administration, but we have our differences.

That said, let's review this twisted little theory of mine. John Bolton should be confirmed to this position post haste.

The snivelling snotweasles on the left have their panties all in a bunch because Bolton is "brusque" and "demanding" and "unpleasant at times". You've heard all their objections, you've seen the Broadway musical, you know the score.

To the left and their objections I say this: "Exactly!"

Bolton is EXACTLY the man we should send to the UN for exactly the reasons that the left says he shouldn't be confirmed.

In Bolton, we can rest comfortably knowing that he's not going to be a member in good standing on the country club. At first, (and this mental imagery still just kills me) I thought of Bolton at the UN kind of like Al Czervik at Bushwood. "Hey kid! Get my bags, park my car, .....and put on some weight!" "This is my friend, Mr.Wang. (No offence)" "How'd you like to make fourteen dollars...the hard way?" Bonus plus to the Caddyshack analogy is that one of Carl 'The Greenskeeper' Spackler's lines is ".....licensed to kill gophers, by the government of the United Nations....."

OK, I'm back. I couldn't find my copy of Caddyshack (we're packing to move, remember?) and the overwhelming desire to watch it right now has passed.

No, Bolton should be confirmed because he is the political incarnation of that great American from South Park, Colorado; Eric Cartman.

Think about it: Cartman is brusque, Bolton on brusque. Cartman is demanding ("You get into that kitchen and make me some pie, biotch!"), Bolton is demanding ("You will respect my authoritah") and so forth.

What we need at the UN is someone, like John Bolton, who knows his job and will not accept the short end of a compromise. Someone, like John Bolton, with whom lines like "Screw you guys, I'm going home" and "I will kick you in the nuts" are not idle threats but actual, credible statements of intent.

Too long have we merely been a cash cow for the UN. We need someone who will not "go along to get along" to hold the UN accountable to our standards.

A John Bolton / Donald Rumsfeld analogy could be drawn, but the rum has taken hold and it's too late anyway. It could be postulated that the left is against Bolton for the same reasons they hate Rumsfeld. Men with clarity of vision and resolve in action often face the harshest critics.

Anyway, in closing I'd like to extend the South Park analogy. If Bolton = Cartman, then Voinovich = Butters. To wit:

Cartman: Butters will give hand jobs in the corner for a dollar.
Butters: Sure! I'm good at all kinds of jobs.

I surely hope the good people of Ohio will find a better Republican next time so that Butters Voinovich can spend more time with his grandchildren.